Top 10 Demands of the Striking French Truck Drivers

10. No more mandatory showers.
9. A government-imposed vasectomy for Orville Redenbacher.
8. Take speed bumps out of Chunnel.
7. Close Sears Auto Center in Nice.
6. No longer required to keep Grey Poupon in glove compartment.
5. Truck stop bidets.
4. No penalty for running Yugos off the road.
3. Bumper stickers reading: "If you don't like my driving, mangez-moi!"
2. Louis XIV-style fuel pumps.
1. Brie-filled air bags.

Dan Quayle's Top 10 Complaints about France

10. Virtually impossible to find a box of Captain Crunch.
9. Long lines at Jerry Lewis movies.
8. People speak some kind of weird Moon-man language.
7. Water fountain in bathroom must be designed for midgets.
6. Snobby French won't elect their government officials unless they have qualifications of some kind.
5. Dubbed version of "Ernest Goes to Camp" makes Ernest sound like a sissy.
4. Doesn't know how many hours ahead to set Mickey's hands.
3. Happy Meals taste different.
2. Language barrier inhibits execution of "pull-my-finger" trick.
1. Everyone keeps referring to him as "Le Bonehead."

Top 10 Ways France Is Preparing for the German Reunification

10. Dialing 911.
9. Installing speed bumps to slow down Panzers.
8. Cutting bedsheets into convenient easy-to-wave white rectangles.
7. Watching twice as many Jerry Lewis movies just to keep their spirits up.
6. Stockpiling Blistex so they can kiss plenty of German butt.
5. Printing up T-shirts that say, "Don't shoot! I'm a collaborator!"
4. Going a really, really long time without bathing.
3. Suddenly acting all chummy with Chuck Norris.
2. Practicing running backwards and blowing kisses.
1. Developing top secret stealth cheese.

Top 10 Ways Las Vegas is Better Than Paris

10. Vegas not crawling with Frenchmen
9. Impossible to get "I Crapped Out in Paris" T-shirts
8. Hard to get change in Louvre at 4 A.M.
7. Paris inconveniently located thousands of miles from nuclear test sites
6. Sorbonne basketball team is five tiny white guys
5. Paris: men in berets on bicycles. Las Vegas: orangutans in cowboy hats on unicycles
4. Vegas didn't lose a single inch of ground to Nazi war machine
3. Palace of Versailles does not offer double jackpot time every 15 mn
2. Ten dollars won't buy you sex act in desert outside Paris
1. Las Vegans: hard working, patriotic citizens. Parisians: lazy, wine swilling cheeseheads

And here's an extra one that has nothing to do with France but which I just happen to like a lot!

Top 10 Papers Written by Brooke Shields at Princeton

10. William Shakespeare: His Poetry Rates a Ten
9. A Chemical Process in Three Stages: Lather, Rinse, Repeat
8. Girls with Thin Eyebrows: Hideous Freaks of Nature
7. Cliff Notes Versus Monarch Notes: Two Views of Hamlet
6. Circles, Flowers, a Smiling Guy: So Many Ways to Dot the "I"
5. The Pushy Overbearing Mother Figure in Literature
4. Pretty Leaves I Found Outside Somewhere
3. Black Americans: What I Hope to Say When I Meet One
2. Philosophy: Why Don't They Spell It with an "F"?
1. The Male Organ: What It Might Look Like

Comments and suggestions

Top ten lists are © NBC, Dave Letterman and the "Late Night With Dave Letterman" writers.